Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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