He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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