so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
