Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
