ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
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i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I deserve this hangover.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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