so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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