Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
