Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
