Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
