it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
