she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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