very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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