He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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