It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
