We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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