arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
