thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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