It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Randomize
