There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
