That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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