piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
