I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
