He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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