dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
