I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
