I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
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I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
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New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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