and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.