don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go