I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This is evicking siegelnvs
This is fucking ridiculous*
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I FOUND THE LEGS