I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.