Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
