We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
