It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
40s are totally the cure
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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