two words: eviction party
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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