I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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