And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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