Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
