Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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