allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
