god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Randomize
