bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
home. puking in laundry basket.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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