Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
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