Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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