i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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