New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
