so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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