Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
