Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
