they need to just BURY HIM!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
