it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
