Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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