I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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