Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
