We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
