I cannot find my penis.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
