If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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