You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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