Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
