Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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