she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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