PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I think I just sharted jello shots
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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