Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
