420 ftw
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
