Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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