I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
