White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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