It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
