i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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