tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
