also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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