yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
