More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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