I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
