Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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