Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
